[Downtown Cafe]

凌亂的桌面散佈著生活的混雜,我走進房間,拿著一杯茶,慢慢坐下。突然想一口氣推開這一切,但瞬時的膽怯觸發,緩緩移出了一些空間,放下手中的杯子。打開電腦,挑了首歌。Downtown Cafe…

趴在桌上,靜靜聽著這首歌,簡單的和弦,藍色的歌聲,如果現在能失去呼吸,緩慢地死去,這個姿勢,這個時刻,似乎都是最完美的。我漸漸閉上眼,想著自己死去的狀態,我看見自己出現在那個清晨,無人的市中心,獨自走進咖啡廳。

四十歲出頭的婦女坐在陰暗的一角,我兀自走到吧檯邊,點了杯咖啡,雙手趴在桌上,向窗外看去。室內的熱氣讓外頭的景色稍稍模糊,但還使可以感覺到路旁樹枝的擺動,我看見那婦女也拿起咖啡,啜飲一口,望向同樣的街角,那玻璃上的面容也微微顫動。

我攪拌著杯中的咖啡,深色的漩渦像是通往遠方的密道,挑起一快方糖,從空中往那漩渦放了進去,咖啡濺出杯子。在茶色的桌面上,擺出死亡的形狀,我悼念著這姿勢,直到服務生用抹布擦掉一切,帶著一絲的不悅離開。

莎拉的母親看見了我,她把視線由窗外轉向吧檯,即使我看不清楚她的臉,但我知道她眼角有著淚,像她平常出現在街頭那般。一年過去了,整整一年她都是用這種方式面對生活,自從莎拉離開以後。

沒有人不知道莎拉的事,我穿過咖啡杯的握把望著窗外,但沒有人知道為什麼。莎拉離開那天外頭有點小雨,灰濛濛的天空,
風吹得人有點瑟縮。十二月底的日子沒有任何下雪的跡象,過節的氣氛淡到有點難堪,沒有人知道莎拉為何要挑這天離開。

我盯著杯上的咖啡漬,像是無法離開的宿命。莎拉是否曾經這樣想過,我想起那天下午,莎拉在課堂上念的一首詩—Emily Sparks。

Where is my boy, my boy
In what far part of the world?
The boy I loved best of all in the school?—
I, the teacher, the old maid, the virgin heart,
Who made them all my children.
Did I know my boy aright,
Thinking of him as a spirit aflame,
Active, ever aspiring?
Oh, boy, boy, for whom I prayed and prayed
In many a watchful hour at night,
Do you remember the letter I wrote you
Of the beautiful love of Christ?
And whether you ever took it or not,
My, boy, wherever you are,
Work for your soul’s sake,
That all the clay of you, all of the dross of you,
May yield to the fire of you,
Till the fire is nothing but light!…
Nothing but light!

我似乎看見莎拉的淚水在眼框中打轉,我似乎看見老師低頭默默地,一句話也不說,那天的天氣,也是陰陰沉沉,讓人透不過氣來。

莎拉的母親是一位再普通不過婦女,是一位固定去禮拜的虔誠教徒,在這之前,我曾經在教堂碰過她幾次,莎拉從沒有出現過,但她總是會談到莎拉。自從莎拉離開以後,我便不曾在教堂碰見她了。但她仍舊對著我們談論著莎拉。沒有人知道究竟發生了什麼事,就像莎拉的母親也不知道莎拉去了哪裡。但我們知道,莎拉永遠沒有機會再回來了。

我想著那天下午,想著那天清晨,想著那天傍晚,那天下午的詩像首悲傷的哀歌,那天早晨的街道印著憔悴的容貌,那天傍晚,莎拉離開了。也許是總會走到這麼一天,也是是莎拉早就計畫這麼一天,也許那是最適合死亡死亡的一天。

老師載著莎拉在冷風中前行,在通往市區的那座鐵橋上,車子突然停下來,沒有人知道當時發生了什麼事,老師說,當他再回頭時,莎拉已經不見了。沒有人知道莎拉為何這樣做,老師說,他也不知道。

五天後,有人在下游的河床發現了莎拉,她還是沒能夠離開這個地方,但日子依舊過得似乎她不曾存在一樣,老師最後也離開這個城市了,像是一切不曾發生過。只有莎拉的母親總是提醒我們,莎拉還是會回來的,她答應不會再阻止他們的戀情,莎拉一定會再回來的。

我靜靜地趴在吧檯,望著咖啡杯上的殘影,莎拉的母親起身走了出去,她並沒有多看我ㄧ眼,收音機播放著Emily Sparks的Downtown Cafe,我同時想起了傍晚,下午與清晨。還有那墜落的死亡姿勢,就像那殘留在桌上的乾印,像是逃不開的完美。

I saw her mother this morning
At the downtown cafe
Staring blankly
Down in mourning
Had her cup of gourmet coffee
And she asked me
What her baby’d been missing
And I shake my head
Can’t think of nothing
But candy wrappers
Tucked into the folds of the bed
And how I don’t see them around
Since Sarah left town

Now people always think they know you
And they’re almost always wrong
Tried to bend you till they broke you
So she moved along
And sometimes I see them around
Since Sarah left town
Trying to track her down

Sarah, Sarah
Sarah, Sarah

She’s chasing her soul
Not running away
If you’d just let her go
She’ll know the way

And I saw her mother this morning
She looked me in the eye
She said: “you know sometimes, I think I hear her laughing
And all I can do is cry”
And it’s a funny thing about people
How everyone has a song
And he sings it every moment
But we don’t hear it until he’s gone
And sometimes I see them around
Since Sarah left town
They’re humming with heads hanging down

Sarah, Sarah
Sarah, Sarah

Recent Posts

foton Written by:

2 Comments

  1. 鍾小孟
    January 12, 2006
    Reply

    !!!!!!!!!!
    真實故事改編?!!
    歌真的很好聽

  2. 哆哆哆拉雄
    January 12, 2006
    Reply

    你可以觀察看看書桌是怎麼從整齊變亂的
    歡迎來818觀察安理的
    為您提供一個絕佳的實驗室

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.